Comedy Gold: A Look Back at Oscar Hosts’ Funniest Jokes

 By Michael Lyons

Like every other award show this season, who knows what this Sunday’s Academy Awards will look like. Most likely, a combination of social distant presenters with nominees and winners via Zoom, sitting in their living rooms wearing everything from ball gowns to baseball caps.

One thing is definite, this year’s broadcast (Sunday, April 25th at 8:00 EST on ABC) will follow a trend from the past several years’ shows and not have a host.

With no one “at the helm” for the Academy Awards Show it makes one nostalgic for times when some of entertainment’s brightest, sharpest and funniest comedians kept Hollywood in check, kept things moving and kept us laughing.

In honor of them, here’s a look back at past hosts (and hostesses) of the Oscars and some of their funniest jokes:

“Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires give each other golden statues.” - Billy Crystal (2012)

“Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it’s known at my house, Passover.” - Bob Hope (1968)

“Oscar is the only 74-year-old man in Hollywood who doesn’t need Viagra to last three hours.” - Whoopi Goldberg (2002)

“War and Peace cost $9 million.  That’s more than the real war cost.” - Jerry Lewis (1957)

“Remember, ladies and gentleman, nobody goes home empty handed tonight.  The losers all receive the new Oscar home game.” - Johnny Carson (1979)

“Who are we kidding, it’s The Hunger Games.  There’s cameras everywhere, you’re starving and Jennifer Lawrence won last year.” - Ellen DeGeneres (2014)

“Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your wigs and keys, it’s time to start passing out Academy Awards!” - David Letterman (1995)

“There’s no acting at the Oscars.  The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they’re not mad they lost.” - Chris Rock (2005)

“Good evening, Hollywood phonies.” - Chevy Chase (1988)

“All the films this year that have been nominated are excellent films.  They deal with racism, corruption, terrorism and censorship.  It’s why we go to the movies: to escape.” - Jon Stewart (2006)

“Meryl Streep holds the record for most nominations as an actress.  Or, as I like to think of it, most losses” - Steve Martin (2010)

And so, even though this year we won’t see the comic control that these and many other hosts have brought to the Academy Awards, movies fans are still grateful for the Oscars, in any form!